I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
