Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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