the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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