Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
