there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
