You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
