Swine flu. Run for my life!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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