You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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