I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
