I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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