Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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