the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
