maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
