i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
