If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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