who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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