sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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