Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
