if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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