shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We got so high we made milksteak
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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