She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
