At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
