he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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