We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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