He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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