i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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