Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
