If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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