haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
