My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
