Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
