**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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