The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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