WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
