If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
