I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
