Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
