Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
