a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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