Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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