Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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