This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
