I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
