Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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