Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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