I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
