i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
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