it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
