How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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