who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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