yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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