i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if only i could text you this smell
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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