This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
