not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He passed out mid-signature
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
