seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The adults are the big ones right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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