my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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