I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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