well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
