No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
