And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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