you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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