sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
