meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
