when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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